If I Am
by BoarderKC
Summary: No matter who you were or who I am, I love you. I need you. You scarred, so am I. I won't walk away nor will I let you. *KeKari*


Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon nor do I own 'If I am'.  
  
A/N: I was listening to this song, 'If I am' by Nine Days and I had to do a song fic. This my first song fic and maybe my last, depends on if I'm any good at it. Usually I don't like song fics, but what the hell. There's a first time for everything, right? Oh yeah, btw this is a KeKari. The song is in ( ).  
  
  
If I Am  
  
  
Kari looked up from her partying friends. One was missing and she missed him a great deal. He had slipped out from their little gathering in a field in the Digital World. She walked away from the group hoping to find him. Behind her someone cracked a joke and a roar of laughter came in its wake.  
  
"Kari, where are you going?" TK asked as he came up behind her. He tried to wrap his arms around her and lead her back, but she pulled away.   
  
"I'll be back in a second. Keep Tai preoccupied," she begged.  
  
"No problem," he grinned. "He's over there." TK pointed through a grove of trees. "Don't give me that look. I know who your looking for."  
  
"Thanks TK." She dashed through the trees and stopped upon seeing the boy she was looking for.  
  
(So your standing on the ledge, it looks like you might fall…)  
  
He was standing on the edge of a cliff that seemed to over look the green Digital World. The view stretched till it hit the ocean and continued on forever.   
  
(So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping…)  
  
"Ken?" She asked.   
  
He turned around, violet eyes mixed with pain and surprise. He looked away again and allowed his ink colored hair to fall over his face, hiding his features.   
  
"What's wrong, Ken?" She asked as she went to stand beside him. She tried to grab his hand, but he stuffed them into his pocket.  
  
(Now you could have it all, if you learned a little patience,   
And though I cannot fly, I'm not content to crawl…)  
  
He looked back at her. "Why are you here with me?" She almost laughed, but he continued before she said anything. "I had all this once under my power and I was cruel and mean and I was horrible. You could have TK; he's pure of heart and kind. Or Davis, he's courageous. Not much for brains, but…"  
  
"Why them when I have you?"  
  
"You could have the sky, but instead you settle for the dirt. Why?" As he said this he gestured up and then down. There was deep hurt behind his voice.  
  
(Give me a little credit, have in me a little faith…)  
  
"Do you really think that little of me, Ken?" She asked. She looked at him for an answer. "I don't settle for anything. I fell for you."  
  
"Why? I'm nothing, but a broken shell of a person. I don't think I can love anyone."  
  
(I want to be with you forever, if tomorrows not too late…)  
  
"Then we'll take it one step at a time. It's okay to be scared, but you're not the shell of a person. Your broken, I'll give you that, but that means we have to work together." She wrapped her arms around him, but he pushed her away.  
  
(But it's always too late when you've got nothing, so you say…)  
  
He walked back to the edge and stared out. "Give it up. You can't help me. There's nothing in me. I don't deserve you or Wormmon or anyone else. I should just leave the Digital World now. I don't belong here. I'm not a perfect being, I'm not pure or good."  
  
Kari walked over and looked out. She could see something flying in the distance. The sun of the world was hidden behind dark clouds that gave no relief or comfort. "That's your opinion, not mine."  
  
(But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow, before the sun rises today…)  
  
"Ken why are you putting yourself down? Are you really going to give up before you start to live like a normal kid?" She leaned her head against his upper arm. That's as far as she reached on him, but it was comfortable. But she usually didn't stay in this position for long. He would wrap his strong arm around her shoulders and they'd be there, in that position forever as if time stopped and nothing mattered. But he didn't move. He just stared out over the horizon that went on till they couldn't see.  
  
(If I am another waste of everything you dreamed of, I will let you down.  
If I am only here to watch you as you suffer, I will let you down…)  
  
"I'm going home," Ken said as he pulled away. Her head fell to the side, no expecting the sudden lack of support. He didn't attempt to catch her. "We'll you take Wormmon with you? I don't want to spoil his fun."  
  
Kari watched as he started to walk back towards the closest port. "No," she called out.  
  
He turned back. "What?"  
  
(So your walking on the edge, and you wait your turn to fall  
But your so far gone that you don't see the hands upheld to catch you…)  
  
"I said no." She went up to him and pulled him back to where they were standing moments before.   
  
He stared at her. She was so much more grown up then he was. He maybe one more year her senior, but she showed her maturity so much more. And she was beautiful; he had to admit that. She was everything he wished her could have, but nothing he deserved.  
  
"I am not going to stand here and let you fall away from me or the others," she stomped her foot and made him rethink how mature he thought she was. He could of cracked a smile by the small pout that was hidden on her stern face. "I want to help you."  
  
(And you could find the fault in the heart that you've been handed…)  
  
"I want to relieve your heart. So I'm giving you mine," she said. She kissed his hand.   
  
"How can you relieve my heart when yours is just as scared?" He asked. She stepped back. "You keep everything bottled up like me. How can you help me?"  
  
She looked away. "That was a low blow Ken."  
  
(And though I cannot fly, I'm not content to crawl…)  
  
Neither of them looked at each other. She expected him to leave. He did what he wanted. She moved away from him, he'd hurt her. He could leave.   
  
(So your standing on the ledge, it looks like you might fall…)  
  
But he didn't. He moved back to the ledge.  
  
Then he glanced back at her and she looked down at the brown dirt. She kicked it and a small puff moved though the air. Maybe if she kicked the dirt, the brown earth Ken had compared himself to, she could hurt him to. Or she could just sic her brother on him.   
  
(And the answers that we find are never what we had in mind, so we'll make them up as we go along…)  
  
"Kari?" His soft voice hung in the air. She didn't answer. Instead she looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. When I'm with you and you touch me I don't know how to move. And when you say you care I don't know what to say. I push you back so I don't say or do the wrong thing, but I guess what I'm doing is wrong. Just one more reason I don't deserve you."  
  
"I don't know what I'm doing either. When I hug you I'm just chancing that it's right. I make everything up as I go along hoping its right."  
  
(You don't talk of dreams; I won't mention tomorrow, we won't make those promises that we can't keep…)  
  
"Could we try again?" Ken asked. He bit his lip as he waited to her words. Words of hate and distrust. Why accept him back after he pulled away so hard?   
  
"Do you trust me?" She asked as she pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ears. "What about everything you said eariler? Do you think I could really leave you for TK and Davis?"  
  
"No," he replied. "I just think you deserve better. They're better."  
  
"Don't talk like that."  
  
"I can't promise."  
  
"The I can't promise to stop bottling things up like you complained about before."  
  
"Then we won't talk about it," he said. She looked at him now with distrust, concern caution and indecisiveness.   
  
"We'll have to face it someday," she said.  
  
(I will never leave you; I will not let you down…)  
  
"Maybe then we'll be able to face them together," he said. He forced a small smile. It crept up his face slowly as if it really didn't want to be there. But that was all Kari needed and every muscle within her relaxed.   
  
(I will never leave you; I will not let you down…)  
  
He moved to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I won't push you away."  
  
"And if your waiting for me to give up on you and leave then I'm going to fail you," she admitted. The small smile grew and she sunk into his arms.   
  
"Kari?" She looked up at him. His violet eyes had softened and the pain was now scarce, but still evident. "I-I love you."  
  
He cupped her small face in his hands and kissed her. She allowed herself to sink into the kiss and move her arms around his neck.  
  
"I will never leave you," she whispered when they pulled away for air.   
  
"I won't let you down." She smiled and fell back into the kiss.  
  
  
End  
  
  
Well, what did you think? I didn't think it was too bad. I liked it. What about you? Please read and review. Later dayz!  



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